The Rest of the Week

I originally intended that first entry to be a letter to Traci. Then I decided against it because I wanted to just be able to get out what I was feeling. I had been like that on Monday as well, but decided not to do anything because I figured it would go away. But it didn't. Traci had no idea I was feeling this way and I kept if from her because I didn't want to worry her (and I thought it would go away). Then Wednesday rolled around and I was still feeling the same way. I decided to try to write lyrics to a song and so I did. I don't like how it turned out, so I'll just leave that on the paper and let it collect dust.

When Thursday rolled around, I didn't feel like getting up and going to work as it was still weighing on me. So, I called in sick. My family just thought I didn't feel well, which was true, but they didn't know the real reason. I pretty much laid around all day and didn't do much; just felt down and out.

Friday was a good day as we went swimming at a family member's house. It was a lot of fun and helped me "ease up" some. Plus seeing the kids have fun was good.

Saturday rolled around and Traci went to a baby shower for a friend. (I could go into that as well, but that would take me way off the subject of this blog.) I decided to take the girls to DCA (Disney's California Adventure). We had fun there and took some cute pictures, but the drive home brought me back down as the girls would not listen to me and were bothering each other. Yelling at the top of my lungs a couple of times did nothing to help as they pretty much ignored me. Of course, this was extremely irritating and brought me down quickly, back into the depressed feeling. Just couldn't help but feel like a failure as a father at that point.

Somehow I made it through the week, but not without sustaining some damage that I don't think I realized was the beginning of what appears to be a pretty long journey and recovery.