Changes: Therapy Begins, Church and Illness

My first appointment with the therapist on Friday the 24th went well. I didn't know what to expect since I had never done this before. All she had to do was ask one question and I found it very easy to open up. (Plus if I didn't open up, therapy probably wouldn't do much good.) The question was something like, what happened to make you want to come here? Immediately I let her in on the background of what had happened recently and what I had been feeling. I was kind of surprised how easy it was to talk to her and how easily words flowed right out of me. I think maybe I was just at the point where I needed to talk to someone besides Traci. It's great having her to talk to, but I think I also needed to talk to someone who who could help me in a different way.

After about 45 minutes, the appointment was over and I went to join my family, parents and old, long distance family friends who were in town. We just told them I had an appointment as I wasn't ready to let anybody else know what was going on. My mom made the assumption that it was a dentist appointment and so we went along with it. I felt kind of bad for lying in a sense, but there was no way I was telling them where I really was. I was already feeling weak and vulnerable enough. I didn't need those feelings to get any stronger, especially around people we only see once or twice a year. I made it through the morning ok and then life continued.

I was excited for the following day as we had a beach day planned with another couple from our Sunday School class, which I had led for the past few years. The girls were really looking forward to the beach: playing in the sand and going in the water. We had to be very cautious in the water though as the waves were abnormally high. (I heard on the news it was due to a major storm off the coast of New Zealand. Really? Seriously?) We had fun and remembered to bring the girls' buckets and shovels so they could try to build sand castles. It really was a fun time, something I really needed. We then headed back to our house for a dinner BBQ where another couple from our class joined us. After dinner, we played games well into the night, around midnight I think. This was also a great time as we played Apples to Apples and had many good laughs during the course of the game. It really helped me to relax and enjoy life in the moment. Thank goodness for friends.

Sunday started off normal as we went to church. It was the last time our class (and all the classes, except for preschool) would meet for the summer. It was also my Sunday as leader of our class, Roads and Bridges. I had led it for the last few years. I had been getting burned out and felt like it was time to move on from class leadership. I had let them know a few weeks earlier and nobody has stepped forward. Fortunately someone did and ran a bunch of his ideas past the class, which very quickly got on board with him. I was glad to see that.

Leading this class was something I viewed as at least partial failure on my part (in addition to the other failures I have already mentioned). Class attendance had dropped and my attempt at splitting out leadership duties had failed miserably. However, it was good that we made connections with every couple in the class. Nonetheless, I was not doing the class much good.

After church, life at home made a relatively sudden, but temporary, change. Traci began not feeling well. By the time we headed to bed, she was down and out; really not feeling well. By the time I woke up for work Monday morning, she had been leveled by this cold or whatever kind of bug it was. I asked her if she needed me to stay home to help her and the kids. She said that would be great but that she didn't want to ask me. I called my work and told them I wouldn't be coming in because my wife was sick. Fortunately, my boss, and his boss, who also directs some of my work, are very understanding people. So I stayed home, took care of her and got the kids to and from the first day of VBS at church. I was glad I did that as she was rarely vertical that day.

Tuesday, she was not much better, but I had a meeting in the morning, so I went in. After attending the meeting, I brought my laptop home so that I could be home to take care of her while still getting some work done. This actually worked out pretty good. My mom had taken the girls to VBS and taken them home with her afterwards since she was volunteering there for the week. At this point in time, my focus had shifted from how I was feeling to making sure Traci was taken care of.

By Wednesday, she feeling just well enough that I was able to go back into work. Plus, since I had the following week scheduled off for vacation, I knew it didn't look good missing this much time right before vacation. So I went in. By the afternoon, I was getting achy and not feeling well. I made it through the day because I knew I needed to. I also somehow made it in Thursday even though the cold had established itself in me. Fortunately, I was not nearly as bad off as Traci. I was just achy and had a cough, but that's bad enough. With a deadline for one of my responsibilities looming, I needed to be there that day. I was able to get done what I needed to. It felt good to leave work that day. I accomplished a lot, I wasn't feeling as down as I had and I knew I had the next week off.