Rough Start to the Week

Here it is Monday of a new week. The weekend was great. It was busy, but a lot of fun. I tried to use that this morning and keep the good feelings going to get me in to work. It worked for a while. I drove all the way to work, parked my car, turned it off and couldn't get myself to open the door. I put my arms up on the steering wheel and put my forehead down on my arms, began praying to God to help me and then started crying. The crying seemed uncontrollable and somewhat surprising considering how I felt when I left home.

It was about 6:40 in the morning at this point and I decided I needed to talk to Traci so I called her even though I figured she wouldn't be up yet. I'm glad I did because she is always so reassuring and encouraging. we wound up speaking for almost an hour (58 minutes according to my cell phone). After that I called my boss and let him know I wouldn't be in. I then left and came back home where Traci was helping Courtney finish getting ready for school.

I was exhausted. All the emotions this morning took a lot out of me, much more than I would expect. Regardless, the day continues on and I am waiting for two calls: one from the EAP Advisor from work (e-mailed earlier today) and one from my therapist (left a voice mail earlier today). We'll see what they say when we talk. Hopefully they call soon. At least I have some good memories of the weekend.

When I was online checking e-mails and sending one to my boss with my high priorities currently, I got an IM from someone in the office who I have walked with at lunch on a regular basis prior to all this depression stuff. She was just checking on me and letting me know she hoped I was ok. It felt good to read those words from her. She's really nice and has become a good friend. Her office is right next to mine. I've been worried about what people in the office are thinking of me. She made it sound as if they were just concerned about me. I love where I work. I don't think I've ever worked a more sincere, caring, hard-working group of people like this before. Perhaps that's why it's a fairly rigorous process to get into Chevron. They only take the best. And thinking of that, it's a little encouraging since I'm one of those people they hired.